Mayer's memoir focuses on straddling two cultures without feeling fully integrated into either; the various frustrations, injustices, and wrongdoings she witnesses in the world; and her zigzagging path to feeling autonomous and in control.
Youngmi Mayer is a stand-up comedian and podcast host, and she is intrigued by dark humor, aiming to inject it into her memoir I'm Laughing Because I'm Crying. She notes that she and her mother particularly leaned on laughing and joking during bleak moments.
Mayer tracks her parents' mental illness as well as the complications of her combined Korean heritage and that of her white GI father. Regarding race, she specifically explores white people's involvement in the oppression of women in Korea, the Korean hierarchical views of white race, and mutual Japanese-Korean contempt.
With the basis of not feeling as though she belongs fully in each culture, Mayer explains her zigzagging path to where she is now, through drugs, danger, demeaning situations, a disinterest in success, low self-esteem, and more. Her stint of involvement in the restaurant business was particularly interesting.
I haven't heard Mayer's stand-up comedy, and this book is not humorous--nor is it somber. Mayer's tone is conversational and frank (her repeated mentions of "hairy buttholes" were jarring although these seemed intended to serve as funny illustrations of her white legitimacy?).
Much of the book feels like a series of heartfelt tirades and they're presented without a clear path to answers. At the book's end the author directly acknowledges the circular nature of her topics and arguments. Mayer's own mind doesn't seem entirely clear on these often messy, complex, difficult matters, which may make it difficult for her to provide clarity for the reader. But clarity doesn't seem to be the point. The author is evolving in her views on the world, and while becoming a mother brought spotlight focus to her commitment to her son, she, like most of us, otherwise seems to be a work in progress.
I listened to I'm Laughing Because I'm Crying as an audiobook.
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Youngmi Mayer is a standup comedian and host of the podcasts Feeling Asian and Hairy Butthole.
For more memoirs I've loved, check out the titles and Bossy reviews at this link.
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